Ten Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex With A Man by Rod Phillips

You see a lot of articles about what men can do during sex to make it better for the woman, but there's a lot less information - and opinion - on the mistakes women make. So, to set the record straight, here's our list of ten things for women to avoid.

1 Expecting him to think like a woman



We've all seen loads of books with titles like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" which highlight an unfortunate difference between the sexes. Men and women don't think the same way - and while we're not going to get into why this happens, it's important to remember that fact when you're in a relationship. In general, men are not as romantic as women, they don't see romance as a necessary prelude to sex, and they can divorce sex from their feelings in a way that perhaps most women can't. So there will be plenty of times when a man wants sex even if he isn't feeling romantic and connected to his partner.

For him, the physical pleasure of sex is a reward in itself. He doesn't need to be seduced into feeling desire (though he may appreciate it if you do seduce him!), at least most of the time, for his sex drive is a pretty constant part of his maleness. I think that's what women don't understand.

They know how elusive and emotional their own sex drive is, but they don't appreciate how different it is for a man. Think of it this way: men can enjoy sex with their personal escorts partner whether they are feeling loving or not; in fact they often find their feelings of love for their partner when they have sex with her. By contrast, women often say they need to feel loving before they want sex - or at least before they are prepared to give themselves heart and soul to a man.

2 Not showing your sexual energy

Women who were brought up to be demure "good girls" (i.e. non-sexual) may find it difficult to express the essence of their feminine energy during sex. And a lot of women also have problems expressing their anger, an emotion which can add real spice to the sexual union between men and women. This lack of sexual energy might appear as a reluctance to initiate sex, a reluctance to be the active partner, a reluctance to make noises or thrust, or simply an overall tendency to wait for the man to lead and direct what happens during sex.

But believe me, ladies, your man will really like it when you express your passion - whether that means you getting on top for woman on top sex, moving in a way that will give you the greatest pleasure, kissing him passionately, or being assertive about what you want in bed.

3 Being too gentle when you touch his penis

Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to their penises. If you ever have the pleasure of watching him masturbate, you'll see how much pressure he uses on his penis - especially as he nears orgasm. If you're doing it for him, ask him to tell you what you're doing right and what he'd like done differently. He'll really appreciate your efforts to give him more pleasure.

4 Not experimenting with sex

The saying has it that men think about sex ten times an hour - or is it a hundred? Yes, of course that's an exaggeration, but it isn't much of one. While some women have a high sexual desire, it's true to say that women in general are much less sexy than men when they're not in the bedroom. Men fantasize all the time - about the things they see, what they'd like to do, how they'd like to do it, and so on. With such an active sexual imagination, it's not hard to understand why a bit of variation in the bedroom routine can keep a man sexually happy.

It doesn't have to be way out stuff like bondage, either. For example, try changing sex positions once in a while: take the initiative and get on top of him or let him enjoy rear entry for a change. Talk dirty to him if you've never tried that before; explore and play with new parts of his body, such as his anus and perineum, during foreplay - or even during the main event. Seduce him into a "quickie" by leaving a trail of clothes across the floor into the bedroom. Greet him at the door in sexy clothing. Phone him at work and tell him what you'd like to do to him later that day.....well, you get the idea - use your imagination!

5 Expecting him to read your mind

Yes, we know it's difficult to express your sexual desires directly. But men don't think like women. They don't read clues, they don't get hints. So stop communicating indirectly, and tell him what you want. And give him feedback when you get it! That way, he'll know exactly what he's supposed to be doing, how you feel about it, and whether to do it again. For example, if you like what he's doing during sex, let him know with your moans of pleasure.

6 Criticizing him

I think one of the reasons women can be so critical of their man is that they've never learned the art of direct communication. Than means stating clearly and directly what you want, how you want it, and whether you got it - and how you feel about it afterwards. Men appreciate that style of talk - they know where they stand and it removes the uncertainty for them.

Criticism is an indirect way of saying that your needs are not being met - but if you read number 5 above, then maybe you've begun to understand that your man won't know what you want unless you tell him. If you're judging his love for you on the basis of his ability to anticipate and meet your needs without you saying what they are, well, I'm afraid you aren't likely to be very satisfied. And it won't be his fault.

7 Letting him take responsibility for your orgasm

A lot of us think that a man somehow has a responsibility to "give" a woman an orgasm during sex. After all, that's how a lot of us were brought up - that a man somehow has to look after "his" woman. And that idea extends to making sure she has an orgasm during sex.....but the truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasms. So while it might be nice for your man to help you get there, if you don't make it to orgasm through his efforts, you can always take matters into your own hands.

8 Controlling him by withdrawing sex

One of the most unhealthy things you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence over your man by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and don't want. (That might even extend to simply saying you don't feel emotionally close enough to your partner to want sex.)

9 Thinking he'll feel the same way about your body that you do

It just isn't so. Men don't attach the judgments to women's bodies that women do. So, for example, even if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it won't matter to him the way it matters to you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly won't be put off making love, or want the lights off, because of it. While you waste time and emotional energy wondering if you're completely undesirable because of some aspect of your body, he'll never give it a second thought. It's women who judge their bodies, I think for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.

10 Not making up with sex after an argument

Well, yes, I know that a lot of couples do make up with sex when they've had an argument, but in fact many more don't. As I said above, most women think that they need to be feeling loving and emotionally close before they want sex. Yet I've met a lot of couples in my work as a sexual therapist who have found that taking the risk and jumping into bed can work really well as a way of getting close again.

Even if you don't feel sexy or loving when you start making love, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way of settling an argument (that's talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct method of getting your feelings back on track - just go to bed together!

Rod Phillips

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Casual Dating With Self-confidence

Casual Dating is usually a nerve-wracking knowledge for many men and women. Right after all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It may also be a really vulnerable expertise. The whole point of Casual Dating (usually) is always to get to know somebody else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this procedure. For what ever explanation, and you will find a lot of, most people desire to make a great 1st impression. In the really least, most people need to keep away from rejection. Casual Dating can be a prime chance for this by its really nature. Whether you are looking for a enjoyable night out or perhaps a long term development, rejection can take place either way, and it may be hard to deal with. Self-doubt can come in several forms, from questioning ones intelligence to ones appears to ones capability to inform a superb joke. Casual Dating puts it all on the market.

How are you able to increase your self-confidence with regards to Casual Dating? You can find a number of factors youll be able to do, and particular strategies are more acceptable for some people than other people.

First Things Very first

A date is just a date. It is not the rest of ones life. Yes, you might meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope on the date. At this point, regardless of how desperate you may be feeling to ultimately settle down, concentrate only around the date. Putting far more stress on it tends to make it tougher for each of you. The other individual is probably to sense your "desperation" (for lack of a far better word), and you find yourself putting strategy to a lot pressure on oneself. As an alternative, attempt focusing around the date itself, not exactly where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time collectively, or, if you never, attempt to avoid blaming oneself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that youre not worth Casual Dating, you are going to never uncover an individual, and that you will be single for the rest of the life.

Be Your self

Yes, youve heard it several instances prior to, and there is a cause for it. In case you do hit it off with the other person, its ideal if this happens when you happen to be being true to oneself. If youre "faking" it, you are then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or each, or continuing the facade. This takes plenty of work, it is dishonest, and also you cannot preserve it up for really lengthy anyway. So whatever your faults, try to not hide them also considerably. This doesnt mean which you put them all out around the table around the initial date, but it also implies that you do not visit extreme measures attempting to hide them or pretending to become something or someone you are not.

Get Out of Your self

To assist deal with your insecurities about yourself, try http://www.wetcasualhookup1.xyz focusing around the other particular person. Show a genuine interest in what she or he has to say. Be truthful and courteous in your responses. Let the other individual possess the spotlight. Not only does this assist keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do--get to understand a person else much better. Ask inquiries, listen to the answers, and ask more. Speak about widespread interests when you uncover them. Above all, try to stay away from talking about oneself the entire time or worrying as well much about how you look, what youre saying, and what type of impression you are creating.

Try Something Various

In the event the concept of sitting by means of a quiet dinner with an individual you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, contemplate Casual Dating activities that involve a little more involvement. Take a tour by way of a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving. Should you have something to do, you are able to concentrate less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It aids preserve the atmosphere lighter at the same time, which could make you both really feel much more comfortable and confident.
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The 13th Adult Dating Trap

Copyright 2006 David Steele

She s so hot!

He s a hunk!

Men/Women are only right after a single thing.

Why can t men/women see previous my body/bank account?

Women commonly dislike being evaluated or pursued by guys solely for their physical attractiveness, and guys generally dislike being evaluated or pursued by females for their job or income.

When we don t know somebody, it is organic to focus on the outdoors packaging. It is also understandable to become attracted to something that is certainly crucial to us, such as appears or money. Deep down we understand that possible partners, like us, wish to be viewed as multi-dimensional beings, not only a body or possibly a wallet. But, in Adult Dating, no matter whether straight or gay, young or old, unconscious singles frequently concentrate around the one particular huge factor that attracts them, and then wonder why their relationships don t function.

I propose the PACKAGING TRAP as the 13th Adult Dating Trap.

In our culture we objectify folks by focusing on their age, gender, race, clothes, hair, weight, job, finances, and also other external qualities, and make generalizations about who they are as someone. When scouting for potential partners, its widespread for some singles to focus around the packaging 1st, then not see significantly else beyond that. This works each ways- rejecting some people due to their packaging, and pursuing others because of their packaging.

Focusing on packaging can interfere even when you don t intend to. True personal story- Maggie and I met on Match.com only after she had the smarts to modify her search criterion when she wasn t finding any individual compatible. My search missed her because I chosen 5 2 as my minimum height (Maggie is 5 1 ) and she selected her age and older (I m 18 months younger). Neither of us intended to discriminate based upon such external packaging characteristics and reject possible partners younger or shorter! When Maggie modified her search criterion to incorporate males a couple of years younger she identified me, and I m really glad she did.

It is understandable to possess preferences and reactions to external packaging; even so, if our goal is definitely an internal knowledge, such as to become content, loved, and fulfilled within a connection, we might ought to balance our attraction to the outdoors packaging by paying more interest for the person inside.

I recently had a conversation using a single pal who, right after completing our Connection Success Education for Singles program (RESTS), has been operating with certainly one of our connection coaches for many years. He was frustrated about obtaining involved in relationships that seem promising inside the beginning then don t perform out. He and I have had an on-going debate about his weight requirement- no far more than five pounds overweight (I could never ever find out how he would measure that!). Physique shape was his 1st and primary sorting tool, pursuing females with wonderful bodies (who had been generally not attracted to him) and immediately rejecting females who were not slender. Nevertheless single and nearing retirement age, he was despairing of discovering a partner. I like him a good deal, wanted to determine him happy in a connection, and genuinely wanted to assist. This time, our conversation focused a lot more specifically around the Law of Attraction, and how his weight requirement could be interfering with his achievement.

Keep in mind, the Law of Attraction can operate for you or against you. If you objectify other individuals by focusing on their packaging, then you will probably be objectified in return. As a man objectifying females by their appearance my pal may be attracting females who objectify him by his look, job, funds, vehicle, or other external packaging characteristic, and might not be capable in the type of partnership he truly desires.

In our RESTS system, we specify that Specifications are practically usually behavioral events within the partnership, not traits of a companion. This has been challenging for many singles that are employed to generating a list of what they want in their perfect companion. I prefer to say, you could make a list of a hundred traits or qualities, uncover somebody that meets all of them, and Still be miserable.

We aid singles refine their list and translate their needs from traits of a companion into behavioral partnership events by asking What does _____ imply to you? and What must come about in your connection to be _____? Any individual trait or characteristic might be transformed into a behavioral connection event, including Good listener into Good communication or Deep listening to each other. The much more specific and bottom-line- the greater. Most specifications go both ways and involve both partners, like good communication and addiction-free.

Balance may be the key. RCI coach Mike McCartney said JUST the outside without the inside wont function. JUST the inside without having the outside wont function for the vast majority, and I agree. It truly is all-natural to have some requirements related to packaging, like race, height, age, and in some cases body kind or weight, but I choose to de-emphasize focusing on packaging that doesn t have significantly to perform with a good quality connection, and emphasize what exactly is needed to possess the life and relationship you need.

In practice, extremely few external traits pass the needs test- If you were totally in love and genuinely wanted this partnership to function, would you break it off because of _____?

The 2001 movie Shallow Hal includes a excellent example of this. Jack Black as Hal, a single guy obsessed with external packaging, was hypnotized to see only the particular person inside and pursued Gwyneth Paltrow s illusionary slim character. Then, when the hypnotic spell broke and he saw her actual obesity, he decided that her weight didn t interfere with his adore and want for her.

My buddy held steadfastly to his weight requirement, fearing that if he let go of it, he would end up with an individual he was not physically attracted to. I tried to reassure him that using the Law of Attraction like attracts like, and if he let go of focusing on weight he could be opening the door for his soul mate- a wonderful woman who is Singles San Bernardino attracted to him, to whom he also will be attracted.

In the end from the evening, my buddy still seemed skeptical, but he stated I gave him a great deal to think about. I hope he can let go and give the Law of Attraction a opportunity to perform for him- at this point he has practically nothing to drop!

The 13th Adult Dating Trap (to be added for the current 12 Adult Dating Traps ):

PACKAGING TRAP: Focusing on outdoors packaging, for example someone s body, appears, job, wealth, material possessions, etc, overlooking the reality in the particular person inside. Opposite of the Advertising and marketing Trap; instead of seeking to sell yourself with appealing packaging, you focus around the packaging of other individuals.

Resolution: Define your requirements for the life and connection you truly want and seek to balance your attraction towards the packaging by paying interest towards the reality in the particular person inside.

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On the web Adult Dating: Is It Right For you personally?

Ought to you go on the internet Adult Dating? Why not? Which is the answer for a lot of of these undecided and unsure of going Web Adult Dating. There are various motives for doing so, and by getting a member of on the web Adult Dating solutions, youre expanding your social circle and raising your hopes to discover your best match.

On the internet Adult Dating services have grown by leaps and bounds more than the years. Most singles have turn out to be members of such on the internet Adult Dating web sites, with high success prices.

Right here are some factors why online Adult Dating is completely correct and safe for you http://www.calmflirtintown.xyz personally.

It truly is exciting

In case you didnt know or haven t heard however, on the web Adult Dating would be the most prominent way of meeting attractive and exciting people all over the world. It really is protected, simple, and enjoyable way of meeting and connecting with countless great individuals. Each and every month, millions of singles around the globe are offered for instant communication, with numerous thousands signing up as new members.

Benefits of online Adult Dating

The positive aspects of on-line Adult Dating are completely endless. As an example, most Adult Dating solutions within the World wide web have millions of members, largely actives ones which are just waiting to communication with somebody like you for friendship, lunch or dinner dates, and possibly even more. The odds of finding a special mate in these online Adult Dating services are very high because these singles intend to meet a person of you. Imagine the millions of prospective mates in on the web Adult Dating internet sites.

The icing inside the cake obviously would be the attributes of most online Adult Dating internet sites, like the easy access to the wide profiles of people, with their photographs, audio and video clips obtainable at an immediate. It s like meeting somebody new in the click of a mouse right inside your own residence.

World wide web Adult Dating is easy

On the web Adult Dating web sites have numerous millions as members. So, by way of example, you don t want somebody due to the fact their profile doesn t match you or it doesn t interest you, you can move on to one more profile. Most, if not all, on the internet Adult Dating websites also have characteristics that enable you to state what you appear in to get a companion. Say what you like or dislike for any mate, along with the things that you just do or hobbies, amongst others. Submit it for the on-line Adult Dating internet site where youre a member, then just wait for emails coming from the on the internet Adult Dating solutions informing you of their most current possible matches for you personally! It s that straightforward! You don t must visit the website daily simply to check who s hot for you.

If somebody piques your interest, you can send him or her an instant message or an e mail. And hopefully, he or she will do the identical. From there, youll be able to take the speak to to the larger level. It truly is that rapidly and effortless.

Okay, you say, on the internet Adult Dating gives you a lot more pros than cons. But, the way to select from the various on-line web sites around? Right here are some elements which you ought to take into account.

1. Do some budgeting.

Establish how much of the cash do you would like to be utilized for on-line Adult Dating. Do a budget. Some of internet sites need you to spend one-time costs, whilst some ask for monthly membership charges.

two. Seek recommendations.

You can ask buddies or colleagues that have turn into acquainted with some on the web Adult Dating sites on their suggestions in searching to get a excellent Adult Dating site. They give further details not that offered to Net Adult Dating sites.

3. Check obtainable web sites.

Verify the net for achievable information for Adult Dating web sites. Make an effort to see what websites will be the most popular or least visited.

4. Take into account specialized websites.

Youll find also specialized Adult Dating sites accessible. Some are for seniors, some for homosexuals and a few are for different religious affiliations amongst other folks.

five. Weigh the cons and pros.

From you re the on-line internet sites that you simply have checked, select only the prime three for you and compare their benefits and disadvantages together with the rest. Aspects to be deemed would be the site s achievement price, variety of members, functions, charge costs, amongst other individuals.

Adult Dating has in no way been this entertaining. Regardless of whether it truly is for friendship or a long-term romantic connection (even marriage), on the internet Adult Dating internet sites could enable you to on these regions in just a number of clicks. Isn t that so easy?

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Discovering the top Web Adult Dating Websites

As a busy Pic of single women Utica expert using a demanding profession and thoughts of going to grad college, I simply never have time for you to go around and make an effort to meet guys. I have by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating no means been all that huge on the singles bar scene or the kind of folks that frequent those places, to ensure that approach isnt a viable option for me. Nonetheless, I do get lonely and at times extended for a person to speak to and laugh with on Saturday nights when everyone else is out on dates. When a buddy of mine first recommended attempting Net Adult Dating sites, I right away declined, but now Im obtaining second thoughts.

Ive completed some checking, plus a couple of Web Adult Dating websites around are very reliable as far as delivering very good final results for customers. Naturally, a substantial number of these kinds of web sites are worthless for potential daters which can be serious about finding a mate, so I decided to start making a checklist to assist decide what tends to make to get a excellent on the web matchmaking service. Here will be the benefits of my very informal survey.

Very first, Ive learned that a lot of Net Adult Dating sites cater to a particular sort of client. As an illustration, you can find personals internet sites especially for single parents, twenty-somethings, the over-50 crowd, Christians, and more. So if you are not possessing any luck on the catch-all Web Adult Dating websites, you may need to narrow your scope to concentrate on a specific group of people that appeals to you probably the most.

Another point that could help you predict regardless of whether or not specific Net Adult Dating websites will probably be effective for you personally would be to take a look at how several active profiles are offered prior to you join. Some of these internet sites get relatively couple of visits and consequently would not genuinely be worth your time. Alternatively, many Web Adult Dating websites have tens of a huge number of members (some even boast of memberships of a million or more), which clearly gives you a better chance of finding true really like -- or at the least a good date!

In addition, I think its crucial to attempt to determine the general intent of members on a particular singles internet site. A few of these areas are frequented by those searching for long-term relationships, whilst other folks are clearly geared towards those hunting for short-term hookups. Just make certain you realize what youre acquiring into just before you take the plunge.

And ultimately, verify about for what other consumers have mentioned about the Web Adult Dating web sites that you wish to join. Youll find lots of online reviews of those places from past or existing participants, which should give you a pretty great thought of what it is possible to anticipate out of your personal encounter using a certain internet site. If other daters are getting great accomplishment with a website, then it really is most likely ok to sign up. If they report negative experiences, however, there is no cause to anticipate that your time around the internet site would turn out any various.

Following doing this bit of study, Im really searching forward to attempting out a number of from the most well-liked Web Adult Dating sites on the market. Lots of other men and women have discovered the right mate through these web sites, in order that implies I can too!

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